Madison M

What it was that you were experiencing with an, your sex life and your relationship and what the challenges were you were facing?

So, the challenges I was facing were twofold. The first one being I was a year into a really healthy, great relationship, but my partner was looking for something more open than I had envisaged for us.

I've lived a very traditional, quite strict, conservative upbringing and monogamy has always been the narrative that's been fed to me. I'd never thought that I could be outside of that monogamous box but I could see that I could be much freer than I thought and I knew, somewhere in me, I wanted that for myself.

I was curious what was blocking me and where that came from. So there was work I was aware I needed to do around my family and my past and how that was affecting my view on non-monogamy as an option for me, that was one pillar.

And then the second pillar was that I felt really disconnected from myself. I wasn't feeling fully present and fully connected when I was going into sex parties and kink spaces and the spaces where play was encouraged. These are spaces that I had been going to for years, but just never felt wholly myself in. So I knew that there was some work I needed to do on myself to help me connect better with my body and connect in a way that felt inherently authentic and feminine and fun.

I remember that first session we uncovered the word playful as something that I wanted to embody and the journey really, for me, started from that point, it was like, wow, this, this playful version of myself is who I want to uncover, because she's always been there. It's been about finding where she was.

I'm curious, before we started together, did you have any reservations about joining my coaching program?

Yeah, I definitely had anticipation around being this honest with someone who wasn't already a longstanding friend. So for me, it was a new kind of relationship building and I was intrigued to see whether you could get a good handle on who I was quickly and the answer was definitely yes!

And now I really understand the power of actually spending that time in connection with someone who hasn't got all of that other baggage of friendship. I guess what I'm trying to get at is that the objective view and someone who can bring a new perspective into the situation is so valuable when you're trying to deal with things that could be really, really obvious to one person, and not for another.

Is anything in particular that helped you decide that I was the right person to work with and this was the right coaching program for you?

Yeah. Two things. First thing is it was a recommendation from a very good friend who I trust dearly. I think word of mouth counts for an awful lot these days.

And the other thing was because I knew that I wanted to specifically explore with non-monogamous narratives and ideas. I knew that you had interest and expertise in that field, which I think a lot of sex therapists and relationship coaches don't necessarily have.

For me, it was really important that you understood the world that I operate in and the kinds of people that I find myself in connection. If, if you're not in those spaces, then you just don't know.

I'm curious to know, what specific things feel like they've shifted from before our work together to now?

What has definitely shifted is this fear I will get really jealous in play spaces and non-monogamous spaces. Actually what I've realised through our work was how it’s really about me connecting with myself and you have taught me techniques and exercises which I can always come back to. I have the tools so I can practice when I'm actually in spaces in order to connect back with what I want, what I desire.

Also how important breathwork and meditation are as tools. Plus thinking about things from a neuroscientific and psychological point of view really does play into understanding ourselves better and how we want to be in spaces.

I'm still very much on this journey but I definitely feel like I'm a different person now then the person that I was at the start.

I know you mentioned as well at the beginning, how one of those pillars was that kind of connection to yourself and connection to your body and I'm curious how this has shifted for you over the time that we spent together?

I definitely have much more appreciation for my body and I'm looking at it differently, with more pride and affection and wonder. I would say there's definitely this more is more sensual, romantic attitude when I look at myself in the mirror. A huge part of that actually was discovered through dance and you're such an advocate for this.

So just putting on some sexy or sensual music, that makes me feel alive and actually feeling into my body has been really powerful. Who knew dance could be such a, such an incredible tool for, for connecting with our bodies. I mean, it's very obvious to me now, but I didn't, I wasn't doing that before.

I'd love to know. If there was a BIG takeaway or revelation you had that stands out?

This is a really tricky one, because for me it's been such a step-by-step journey. It's not like going into like some kind of crash course retreat where it's very condensed and hardcore, and then you come out the other side of different person. For me, it's really been shifts moment to moment. I really didn't want to go into it looking for one big moment of shifting.

I wanted it to be this gradual journey. And as I think I said to you in my last session, I feel like you've been the glue putting together all the things that I've been trying to explore over the last few months. It's been a safe space where I've been able to share and reflect and you've be able to reflect back and provide insight and ideas around how I can build on that or learn from certain experiences.

So for me, it's really been you providing that framework for me to go ahead and live my life has been the most valuable thing for sure.

What was your favourite exercise or favourite session?

There was a beautiful moment when we did this meditation and I was feeling into my divine feminine and there were loads of beautiful pink colours, the soft textures and just the juiciness. There was the realisation of what it meant to connect with myself in that way. That was really beautiful moment for sure.

I remember that moment and how I felt “you can't put me in a box anymore”. How we started and I was first curled up in a ball and realised how it felt to be trapped and ashamed and very small. Then to feel into that feminine power and kind of goddess energy was a really powerful contrast.

I just want to reiterate as well that it’s not a one moment fixes a problem at all. This takes a lot of work and it's something that I know I have to continue to work out and now keep feeling empowered. But this was a really powerful session.

And I'm curious, is there an exercise you’re still continuing to tap into?

I use the sex magic meditation. It was the feeling into my pelvic region and feeling that energy and then making this circular breathing pattern. It surprises me every time, but that it really does work and it gets the energy flowing through the body and suddenly all parts of me go, oh, hello. I'm I'm on now. I was asleep before.

I'd love to know if there was anything in particular that you really valued or really loved about working with me specifically?

Yeah, It's important to mention how you were around to reply on Voxer during the week and how wonderful that felt, you know, to know that I was never alone in an experience, and I could always share that with you.

It was like you were a kind of guardian angel and I was able to journal out loud. It’s a really useful tool to be able to utilise so that they're never alone and they can always check in with you between appointments.

And, also just to say in terms of your personal experience. I know that you would always say, “would you like me to share my experience with you?” And I really appreciate that, because for me it’s really valuable to hear that you’re able to resonate with certain experiences and share your own because they can be an important way for others to learn and to not feel alone.

And then final question. What would you say to anyone considering working with me?

I would say, take the chance, take the plunge. It may feel like a huge investment and it is a huge investment. But if you've got somewhere that you want to be, and you're not there yet, and you need a helping hand to get that. Then Rosa is incredible. She will help you on that journey and hold your hand all the way.