When did you first know you were straight? An enquiry into your sexuality and gender.
When did you first know you were straight?
If you identify as straight, did you ever get asked this question?
When did you realise you were a man or a woman?
The same goes for gender.
I remember being asked both of these questions during a lecture as I was training to be a sex, love and relationship coach and it stopped me in my tracks. Why had I never thought about this before?!
The main answer is, because I never had to. However, if you identify as anything other then straight and anything other then the sex you were assigned at birth you likely get these types of questions all the time.
Why is it important to question our gender and sexuality?
So often we get put into boxes, of straight until proven otherwise, born female sex, must be a woman and then burdened with the expectations that come with this.
By querying our gender and sexuality we can explore what really feels like a true fit for us, not the boxes society has pegged us into. If we never get curious about our sexuality and our gender we could miss a whole host of pleasure that’s available to us.
The more I’ve explored my gender and sexuality and authentically found what it means to me, the more I’ve moved into self-acceptance and with this deep sense of self-acceptance comes deeper pleasure!
Some questions to explore your identity:
These questions originally came from Heather Flowers and her awesome twitter post. I encourage you to take 30 mins and really get curious about your gender and sexuality and aspects of yourself you may not have been invited to explore before.
What do I enjoy about being my gender / sexuality?
Why do I identify with my gender / sexuality?
What expectations do I put on myself with regard to my gender / sexuality? Do I enjoy those expectations? Why or why not?
What expectations do I put on others' gender / sexuality? Why?
How do societal pressures affect my gender / sexuality presentation ?
In what ways could I better feed my gender / sexuality? What small things could I do in order to make it happy?
How do I visualise gender / sexuality as a concept? What does my gender / sexuality, in specific, look like?
What messages did I receive about gender / sexuality as I was growing up? How does this impact my gender / sexuality now?
Number 6 is my personal favourite. By feeding our gender and sexuality with small things, this builds acceptance and can increase our pleasure tenfold.
Your sexuality and your gender is yours to design and define!
My own enquiries:
Personally, I identify as Queer. I choose this as my identity because I don’t feel straight, gay or bi fit and gender doesn’t impact who I’m sexually attracted to. I feel fluid and the label of queer brings me heaps of joy.
With regard to gender I identify as a woman, however, I wouldn’t say my gender identity is socially typical of the culture I live in. I was socialised to believe being a woman meant being sweet, polite and submissive. However, my personal gender identity of woman feels powerful, protective, fierce, sensual and nurturing all at once.
I’m excited for you to conduct your own explorations and can’t wait to hear what you discover!
Want more?!
I really recommend checking out the Unlocked & Unrestricted podcast episode ‘What really happens at a queer, sexy, kinky rave.’ Alex and I get intimate on how to query your gender and how to embrace your authentic sexuality.
Every episode of Unlocked & Unrestricted is designed to help you enquire deeper into your sexuality and unlock your full freedom of sexual expression so make sure you subscribe here.
If you desire some support 1:1, get in touch! I’m here to help you explore your sexuality deeper and help you embrace the sexual freedom and acceptance you deserve. Grab 30 mins in my diary here.
