What is your jealousy trying to tell you? - A guide to working WITH your jealousy.
What is your jealousy trying to tell you?
I want to take a hot second to say jealousy is a completely natural emotion. It’s a biological system that fears the loss of something that we value and research has found that we all have a natural tendency to feel jealousy! But what does it mean to feel jealous?
The Oxford Dictionary defines jealous as:
feeling or showing an envious resentment of someone or their achievements, possessions, or perceived advantages
feeling or showing a resentful suspicion that one's partner is attracted to or involved with someone else
fiercely protective of one's rights or possessions.
What does this tell us?
Jealousy often reflects a longing to protect what’s important to us whilst also highlighting desires we have but might not be fulfilling. This can indicate where we may experience fear of loss, i.e. a partner leaving us for someone else or where we don’t have something we desire, i.e. we perceive someone as a dresses better then us.
Although often considered a negative emotion, with a little re-framing, jealousy can give us incredible opportunities to enhance ourselves and out relationships.
Anna shared some amazing wisdom around jealousy in my podcast Unlocked & Unrestricted of how using jealousy as a tool can change everything!
“If I’m jealous, what do they represent that I wish I was embodying more, i.e. if this person is an awesome dresser, how can I plan some outfits, if someone’s written a book, how can I spend more time writing. Sexual jealousy comes down to trust, boundaries and communication... I keep looking at what needs aren't being met for me.”
Anna found when she started exploring where her jealousy came from and importantly, what need wasn’t being met, this led to her getting more of what she wanted in life and in her relationship!
So, how can we use our jealousy?!
Get a little intimate with your jealousy, pick an element of your jealousy and try these simple steps:
Embrace your jealousy with curiosity rather then judgement
Notice what is creating the feeling of jealousy
Notice what this indicates you might need
Ask yourself: What can I do for to get this need?
Go get that need met!
Pro tip: Breathe into the experience of jealousy and explore where it shows up in the body along with any sensations, thoughts and emotions that arise. This can give you clues to get deeper into what your jealousy might be telling you!
Rather then avoiding jealousy let’s use it to our advantage!
Want some more?
You can hear more about Anna’s experiences with jealousy and using it as a tool (with a tonne of fab examples) in this podcast episode of Unlocked & Unrestricted.
Anna and I actually had a coaching session all around jealousy and wow did we explore (& shift!) some powerful mindsets. If jealousy is something you find sticky, schedule 30 mins directly into my diary and I can help you get unstuck.
